I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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