i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
