Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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