So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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