"it" just moved
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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