Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
