I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
