my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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