thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
