It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
