Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
