You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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