I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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