Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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