Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize