watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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