end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
