happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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