His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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