I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
