like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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