I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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