I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
