There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
