So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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