good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
