Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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