we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He passed out mid-signature
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize