but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
