are you still at the devil's house?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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