i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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