I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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