He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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