I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
