Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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