oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
