oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
God, I missed his penis.
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