I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
