My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
