i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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