I am in a vortex of obligation.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
