i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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