Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
