We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
