i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
