So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
