i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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