The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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