Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
