Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
