he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
