I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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