Im at strip club and am horny
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
