I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
