take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
