so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
