I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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