dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
