When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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