I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
