Only a mothe r could love this liver
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this just has baby written all over it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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