I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize