Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
