omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i've created a new STD.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Success! We fucked roommates!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
