how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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