she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
